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Winter Fundraising Jawn RAINFOREST ALLIANCE INC
Winter Fundraising Jawn
$0
$200
RAINFOREST ALLIANCE INC
Winter Fundraising Jawn
Winter Fundraising Jawn

Kyle's page has now expired

730 days ago, Kyle created this page and gave everything for RAINFOREST ALLIANCE INC:

  • Shared their page with everyone they could.

My Strava Charity Challenge Story

Okay, let's get real for a second here: we all care too much about coffee and avocados and balsa wood to stop trashing the rainforest, and I totally get that. I mean, you've gotta have your balsa wood, right? But these dudes at Rainforest Alliance will make sure that farming processes in the places you've already ruined with your lascivious balsa-lust remain sustainable, so that you can keep building your model airplanes and architectural mockups without feeling like a monster.

I mean, it would be great if you could do something personally, but the act of flying to South America to plant trees would just make your already monolithic carbon footprint even bigger. And yeah, maybe you could give up your personal vehicle to cut back on global emissions or something, but then how are you gonna get to the good Starbucks across town (you can't go to the one two blocks away because the barista always puts in like three pumps of sugar and since when is three pumps "light sugar" Jesus Christ get it together, AmberLynn).

So here's what we're gonna do: you keep eating your avocados and macadamia nuts and coconut oil and driving your car to your hipster coffee co-ops and all that other planet-destroying, rainforest-murdering type shit, and I'll ride my bike all month in support of sustainable farming practices and preservation of biodiversity, because let's face facts: animals should be rewarded for not being people. Like, you never see a pygmy marmoset hop in his German SUV and drive 15 miles to get a cup of coffee that's basically made out of finely ground rainforest and lemur tears, so home come they're the ones getting hosed all the time?

And hey, maybe it won't really change anything, but I bet just knowing that I'm out there somewhere, pedaling furiously to raise money for you (and the rainforest you've ruined) will at least make you feel like less of a dick next time you're sipping a Pumpkin Spice Rampant Deforestation Macchiato. So yeah, give some of your money to a proper charity this year (your alcoholic nephew doesn't count) and feel less garbagey about yourself when your next existential crisis flattens you the way you've been flattening the rainforest.

Hugs and Kisses,

Kyle

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RAINFOREST ALLIANCE INC